Can't Win
by ihli
Summary: Why do all the other women seem to have it together?


**A/N **

**Title:** **Can't Win**

**Author:** **Ihli**

**Rating/Warnings:** ** K+**

**Pairing:** **Prentiss/JJ**

**Summary: Why do all the other women seem to have it together?**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds or any of the characters I just like to play with them sometimes. I promise to put them back where I found them.**

**Hello All, **

**This is my entry for the Chit Chat on Authors corner challenge #19. **

**My pairing was JJ/Emily**

**I had to choose from two of the three prompts: Little April Shower (song from Bambi), lilies, Easter candy**

**This is different from my usual. I hope you enjoy. Please Review.**

**Thanks to The Shameless BookWorm for Beta'ing this! All mistakes are mine.**

Can't Win

"Mommy..."

JJ rolled over in bed, blinking awake. The clock said Two Fourteen. "What's wrong sweetie?"

Henry's small voice sounded. "I had a bad dream." _Why does my son's voice sound so adorable and melt my heart?_ She thought.

"Oh honey, come here." JJ reached out and wrapped her son in a hug. "It's okay now."

She got out of bed and walked Henry back to his room. She restarted his lullaby CD and tucked him into bed as she handed him his favorite stuffed animal. "Here's Bear, Bear. He'll protect you."

Henry looked up at her with a serious expression. "I know mommy. I love you."

JJ kissed his forehead. "I love you, too."

She left the room and went to the bathroom. _Why did she always have to go as soon as she woke up?_ She crawled back into bed. Part of her hoped Will hadn't been woken. _Why should both of them be tired tomorrow? _Part of her wanted to kick him. _Why should she be the only one suffering?_

She lay with her head on her pillow, tired but having trouble falling asleep. She always got an adrenaline rush when Henry woke her in the night. Her first thought was always: _Is he okay? _But he was fine. She tried to relax and was just drifting off to sleep when Henry returned.

"Mommy? Bear Bear and I are thirsty."

"Where's your sippy cup?" Three Oh Eight, now.

"It's empty." He said holding out the cup. _Why hadn't Will filled it when he put Henry to bed?_ Oh yeah, she had put him to bed. She got out of bed, took the cup, and refilled it. She brought Henry back into his room and restarted his lullabies. She tucked Henry and Bear Bear in, and kissed his forehead.

"I love you, mommy," he said, hugging Bear Bear tight.

JJ blew him a kiss. "I love you, too."

_Back to bed. Try to sleep. Work in less than 5 hours. Sleep. Need Sleep. Toss, turn. Drifting, drifting…_

Little tiny precious fingers patted her arm. "Mommy?"

She couldn't prevent the small groan that escaped her lips. "What now Henry?" Four Seventeen.

"My nightlight turned off and it's dark in my room." He looked up at her with moon pie eyes.

_Three wake ups. I can't…do this and work tomorrow. _She caved nudging Will with her foot. "Daddy will help you."

"Huh…What's up buddy?" Will asked, voice slurred with sleep.

Exhausted, JJ tuned out the explanation and felt the bed shift as Will left to deal with their son. Before she drifted off to sleep, a wave of guilt washed over her. _I'm a terrible mom. I should be there for Henry._

CMCMCMCMCM

Emily Prentiss looked in the mirror as she pulled off her earrings and cleaned the makeup from her face. She sighed at what she saw. She wasn't old yet, but she wasn't young either. Every year she became more aware of the passage of time.

Another night, another failed date.

Well not failed…just nothing. It had been pleasant enough but there are been no spark. No hint of attraction. He was just…there.

_Where is Mr. Right? I'm not getting any younger. It's time to find someone, start a family before it's too late. I want my Happily Ever After._

She knew she was getting to that age where it would get harder to conceive. What if she finally found her man but couldn't have children?

Emily wanted to laugh at herself. _Listen to me, I sound like a freakin' teenager. I have a good life, friends, a career I love and I'm good at. _

Maybe it was just her damn biological clock, but more and more, her thoughts drifted towards a baby. She had to fight to keep from staring at pregnant women. They just looked so…appealing. _I want that._ She would think_. I want to have a life to nurture_.

She got into bed and closed her eyes but sleep didn't come for a long time.

CMCMCMCMCM

_Is he ever going to ask me to marry him?_ Garcia wondered as she watched Kevin sleep. _Maybe I should ask him? Since when do I care about who asks who? This is the frakken' twenty first century, and I'm a liberated woman. _

She knew that wasn't really the issue. The issue was: _Do I want to be married, and is he the one?_

She knew she cared for Kevin; she loved him. The sex was fabulous: geek love was definitely outstanding. Who else would get the bad puns they made about hard drives and joy sticks?

But forever was a long time. Garcia wondered if she was the marrying kind.

CMCMCMCMCM

JJ walked to the elevator where Garcia and Prentiss were waiting for her.

"I can't make lunch today ladies. Will needs me to watch Henry," JJ said as she stifled a yawn.

Garcia's eyes lit up. "Henry… I'll help. I love my godson."

"We were just going to do a picnic at the park." JJ shrugged. She had been disappointed about cancelling on her friends.

Emily added, "I'm always up for a picnic, and the weather is gorgeous today."

JJ filled with warmth. It would be so nice to catch up with her friends. "It's just gonna be McDonalds food." She couldn't believe they really would have a good time.

"I'll live," Emily said, her lip turning up at the corner.

JJ shook her head in surprise. She wasn't going to look a gift horse in the mouth. "Well, okay. Henry does love his aunties."

They started to get onto the elevator when Garcia spoke up. "Maybe we should invite Reid."

JJ thought for a moment. Reid was a good friend and a good godfather. He loved every opportunity to spend time with Henry. But that wasn't what she wanted today. "Let's just keep it to us girls."

"Okay." Garcia agreed with a smile. JJ knew they enjoyed girl time as much as she did.

After a quick trip through drive-thru, they arrived at the park.

"Mommy!" Henry ran up to JJ and slammed into her leg hugging her. Will walked up behind him and kissed her.

"Thanks, hon, for doing this," he said in his slow, easy drawl.

"No problem, do what you need to. I'll call if we decide to leave the park." JJ said, a yawn escaping her. "The fresh air will be good for me."

JJ eventually disengaged Henry from her leg and started leading him to a picnic table for lunch. Prentiss smiled as Henry swooped in, docked at the table, grabbed a French fry or chicken nugget, and then launched again. The beautiful spring weather had Henry wound up tight and running like the energizer bunny.

"I've never been to this park. Look at those lilies over there. They're beautiful." Prentiss commented. Then she turned her head up to the sun, eyes closed, face relaxed.

"Yeah, the local garden club maintains them." JJ explained. "This is a great park. They have Easter egg hunts in the spring; you wouldn't believe the amount of Easter candy; there are fireworks on the Fourth of July, and a Halloween party in the fall."

Garcia looked at JJ with a small frown, looking at JJ eyes. "JJ, you look tired." _I thought I put on enough makeup to cover the dark circles._

"Henry was up a lot last night," JJ said with a shrug.

Prentiss grinned. "He doesn't look tired."

"He and Will slept in. I had an early meeting." She said yawning again.

A very pregnant woman walked up to the table, "Guys, this is Jess. We go to the same church, and Henry loves to play with her kids. Jess, meet Emily and Penny." JJ gestured for Jess to join them at the table.

"Nice to meet you, ladies. I couldn't help over hearing. I guess sleepless nights make work tough," Jess said as she sat.

"Yep. It's like I can't win." JJ looked down at the table.

"What do you mean?" Emily asked.

"Well…I love my job. I know it's important, but Henry's life is in this whole different rhythm. I'm not free to flow with it and I miss so much." She turned and looked at Jess. "You're lucky. You get to be with your kids."

"True, and I do feel lucky, but you know JJ, you're one of the few working moms I'm friends with," Jess said with a shrug. "The others seem to judge me like I'm some kind of traitor to feminism."

Penny's eyes widened. "Why would anyone think that?"

Jess shrugged again. "They look at me, and I can just feel them thinking 'what a loser' just because I don't get paid. I think they think I sit home all day watching soaps."

"I'm raising four, well, almost five kids," Jess said patting her belly. "I work hard."

JJ patted her shoulder. "I know that. I don't know how you do it. I couldn't. The truth is most working women are jealous. We wish we were with our kids more and feel guilty that we aren't."

JJ looked away before continuing. "We feel like you're judging us for abandoning our kids."

Jess' eyes grew round. "I would never think that."

"Well, I hate you both." Emily said her lips turning up at the corners.

"What?" JJ and Jess said in unison.

"I go home at night, and I'm alone. I don't even have any prospects. I want a family, too." Emily lips were smiling, but her eyes were sad.

Jess' face softened as her brows rose. "I could see that. I was lucky to meet my husband in college."

"How did you know he was the one?" Penny chimed in.

Jess thought for a moment, her eyes dreamy, her lips curved. "I just did. We had similar interests, similar goals, and I just… loved him."

"Some days, Kevin and I are like that, and I wish we would take the next step. Other days I'm terrified. I feel like we're expected to get married, have babies. Do I even want that?" Garcia's face was redder then her lipstick.

"It's like no matter what choices we make, they're wrong. We're violating one of many unwritten rules," JJ spoke up now.

JJ regarded her friends. "It's like…Women can't win."

"There are too many rules that contradict each other for what a good life is. No one can meet them all so we all end up feeling like failures," Prentiss observed.

"You know feminism was about choice. Women had no choice about staying home. It never said we couldn't if we wanted to," Garcia said with some steel in her voice.

"Right, I choose to stay home with my kids," Jess said, her eyes shining. She pointed to the others "You choose to work outside the home. We all get to make the choices that are right for us."

Henry tugged on JJ's shirt. "Mommy…" He said, in a little soft voice.

"Yes Henry?" JJ asked, her mommy radar sending up alert signals.

"My tummy hurts." Henry held his stomach, his lips curved down and quivering.

"Do you need to go potty?" She asked. He was young enough that sometimes he couldn't distinguish all those different feelings in his stomach.

"No…I need to…" Bleh. JJ looked down at herself in dismay and hugged her sobbing child. So what if she was covered in vomit? She was a mom.

She handed her keys to Prentiss. "Here, take Garcia back to work. We live just down the street, I'm gonna walk home and get us cleaned up."

"You sure." Prentiss asked, a frown on her face and her eyes wide.

JJ looked up at Prentiss, a half smile on her face. "Yeah…There's a stomach bug going around, and I wouldn't want you to catch it."

JJ swept her precious son up into her arms and carried him home as he snuggled in close. She pulled out her cell phone and texted Will.

She may not be able to be there for every sniffle, but she was here today, and she would take care of him.


End file.
